Entry #12

Well, I just had it out with God.  (Kinda sorry if that offends you, but I do it regularly and He doesn't seem to mind.)  

I was folding laundry and trying to track my impossible to-do-list while I was working.  Most days it seems I'm falling behind in every area.  Sometimes, I even feel like I live 2 separate lives and that really bothers me.  One world is trying in every possible way to maintain our normal American lives ....clothes that fit and match, appropriate clothes for numerous Christmas parties, holiday-decorated house, clean & pressed uniforms, reading logs, etc etc! The other world is constantly trying to listen to the Lord for helping the 'rest of our family' that we are not related.  Who has heat and who doesn't, who has lost their hat & a glove is walking to school freezing, who needs a ride to the doctor, a call to an agency, etc, ETC!

So, I'm going over all this with God, wallowing in self-pity and frustration with myself, "Lord, I'm really sucking at this!  Should I just go back to the way I used to live and try to keep up with that?!  When guess what He has the nerve to say? :)  

"Julz, you're doing great.  I love you."

Yeah, He has a way of making my burrowed eyebrows relax and turning my shaky pitiful questions into laughter.  Don't know how He does it, but He nails me just about everyday in such a beautiful way.

I just laid the laundry basket down, turned off the radio and decided to write to thank Him and hopefully bring encouragement to someone.

He's proud of us.  

He does not expect perfection....only we do.  

He sees our heart...not the constant falling-behind to-do list.

He waits to bring us comfort as we hurry around like a chicken with our head cut off.

I'm learning Jesus.  Slowly.  But I'm learning.

Fill me anew with Your peace.  Bless me with Your wisdom.  Go before me Lord, preparing the hearts and every situation so that even though I'm usually unprepared - You somehow manage to daily do the impossible through me.

Give me Your eyes.  Help me to see those that you are after regardless of their outward appearance.  Soften my tongue and slow me down so that I will pause for each of these.

Lord, continue to cover my family.  I leave so many 'mom' jobs half un-done but You constantly take up the slack.  Continue to reveal to my children that our lives are not our own - but Yours. Encourage us as we lay down our 'rights' and instead seek Your will.  Thank you God for my wacky husband that has grown to love my mess!  That is truly a miracle of Your doing in his heart!

Thank you Lord that Your will is a plan for good and not for evil.  That Your will is abundant life.  Just let us crave those things of eternal value and play our small yet huge role in Your Kingdom.  

We love you so much.