our summer

wow, it's been toooooo long since I've updated this!  forgive me.  life throws a few curve balls from time to time.

june 30th my dad passed away.  one of my very best friends.  i better not get started or i'll start bawling or preaching but just know, it has been a summer i'll never forget.

in light of that though, it's interesting....

for the past 3 years, i've been walking along doing my very best to follow God's call on my life.  you know, loving those around me, learning to love myself, and to use the gifts God's given me to further His ETERNAL kingdom.  for 2 years now, i can honestly say, it has become pretty obvious that God has given my husband and i an annointing to love on the down and out, especially kids.  so we've altered our lifestyle and done our best to sacrifice comfort for the sake of HIS kingdom and His children.  it had gotten to a place of 'no-brainer'.  i wasn't finding myself contemplating everyday (shallow but true) what my life would be like if i could just be a 'soccer mom'.  all these kids we love on had become a true part of our family and making time for them no longer felt like 'ministry'.  ugh i hate the use of that word most days.  

anyway, on june 30th this year, when my dad died, my world went spinning.  it was such a shock to us that i found myself in literal FROZEN mode.  breathe....just breathe.....that's about all i could think for a couple weeks.  for those 2 weeks we didn't meet with the kiddos and i didn't even call them.  i just didn't have it in me.  honestly, that scared me.  my inner thoughts were like, "oh no, am i losing that part of my life?  will i ever be able to go back?"  while those thoughts scared me, they weren't strong enough to make me pick up the phone and check on them and let them know I was ok.  while i know this is very 'ministry incorrect'.....it was just where i was.  i was barely doing my own 3 kids.  

so, as depressing as all that may sound....i'm genuinely thankful to tell you that the Lord is crazy faithful.  He has truly worked all things together for good.  while i am still grieving my dad and unsure of God's timing in his death, i am witnessing the fruit of drawing closer to God in times of uncertainty.  

week 3 after my dad passed we met with the kids for the first time.  i wasn't sure if i had it in me.  oh the body of Christ is such a beautiful thing.  several people from our house church simply surrounded us and took care of EVERY detail....making it possible for me to just 'show up'.  the kiddos were amazing.  their genuine love, compassion and respect for me and my family during that time showed me just how FAMILY we are.  

it has now been 2 months since my dad's passing.  i'm learning so much about grieving.  i could literally write a book and will spare you, but suffice to say, HIS POWER IS PERFECTED IN OUR WEAKNESS!  

God doesn't NEED me, He desires to be made known thru me.  the good, the bad and the ugly.  human is all i'll ever be but please dont mistake my God, the God inside of ME,  is so much bigger than me.  He is on the move among these kids like never before.  They are HUNGRY to hear His voice.  He is whispering to them and they are listening and responding!  

A long time ago, i wrote a journal entry about what a FAMILY is.  I'm not going to pull it out to quote it but it was along the lines of .....real, growing, loving, hurtful at times, changing, forgiving, imperfect, and belonging.  

that is what i've found.  

by opening our family to include many ages and races we have blessed God and ourselves.   children and adults of all ages that gather together every thursday night have made it possible for God to love me thru this season.  over and over, i had to resist the urge to isolate myself and instead allow myself to be real and needy.  they in all their beautiful ways have proven to me that GOD IS LOVE.

now that i've finally gotten this post out of the way (it was one i procrastinated b/c i was dreading it-ugh) i'll hopefully blog more often.  God is SO on the move among this big family and hopefully it will bring you some encouragement.

if i can leave you with one thing to ponder....

whether you believe it or not, you were created for a PURPOSE.  

there are people around you that WILL be influenced by your life one way or the other. 

i am so thankful that the testimonies of my dad's influence are still pouring in.  

your life is important.  

YOU are awesome.  

you have a DAD that is madly in love with you and available in every moment.

perfection should never be the goal.....

growing closer to HIM should.

the rest works itself out.