Entry #5

Ok, to all one, possibly 2 of you, that are reading this...hahaha...I've got to change things up a bit.

It's like for several days, the past entrys were just a'comin right along and then I hit a wall.  Wasn't sure why but this is all I can come up with....

I've spent most of my life either trying to block out and forget the past or be healed from it, and that's made it a bit challenging for me to focus so much on the past.

Sooooo.....

I'm going to fast forward A LOT and start sharing about my daily journey for awhile.  Who knows maybe some of the past will come easier for you and me! ha!

I'm really in a new season.  For many years, the things I DID defined me.  When I look back at some really cool things I've had the blessing of being a part of I am sooo grateful!  I have no regrets b/c I know they shaped who I am today.  

BUT, I will say that this season has some very new themes....

JUST BE, enjoy, KNOW Him 1st and let the rest fall into place, learn about the people around you, don't just 'politely' listen....hear their heart.  You get the picture.

I'm finding so much more freedom in this season.  Here's the real kicker...the more I live this way, the more things seem to be falling into place.  The old me always had SO much work to be done that I was missing moments of my life.  I was even missing a lot of the people I know He was leading to me to learn from.  I will admit I'm sad about that.  I like to say, I LOVE SPRING and FALL, but without winter and summer would I love them as much???  As I look back at the years of 'working' for the Lord, I can appreciate this season of just chilling with Him that much more.  

So, these days instead of 'leading any programs' to reach the kids of the community, I'm just hanging with them, living life with them, laughing some weeks and crying the next.  It's really beautiful.  No one has 'expectations' of what we'll do to reach the kids, no meetings to arrange details, no meetings to gain permission for certain things, etc.  Will it always be like this?  Probably not, but for now it is and I'm getting a real kick out of it.  

Makes me think of relating to my own kids.  If they were always trying to work their butts off to make sure I loved them, it would make me so sad.  Guess that's how I feel about me and God right now.  As long as I keep my heart open so that He can talk to me,  I'll be so confident of how much He loves me and from there I am a more genuine encourager in this thing we call life.

Every week we spend time hanging out with these kids and doing the most random silly things. This week we went to the Rose Garden and had a scavenger hunt.  When we got there with about 11 kids, they were each thinking about the same thing, "LAME!"  Since I've been around them for a few years I've learned a VERY important rule of thumb...DONT LET THE FIRST 30 MINUTES TOGETHER GET YOU DOWN.  Just keep loving the snot out of them until they chill.  (My husband is trying to get this one down still!)  They just have to 'detox' from the dysfunction that most of them live in 24/7/365.  

So we divided the kids up into teams of 2 and sent them off in search of some roses.  It was awesome to watch the little ones attack the mission fully abandoned to just have fun!  The middle age ones tried to develop a system, and the older ones tried as hard as they could to pretend they were freaking miserable.  I was on a team this time so I couldn't just sit and watch them (which I LOVE to do) but as I would run into a team it cracked me up!  Some were cheating, some didn't want to rush and skip smelling the roses (too cool!) and some were totally ticked that the others were cheating and needed justice to be served before they could continue.  

I could go on and on about the details of the night but this stood out to me....

From eating pizza, climbing on a roof (I'm a hopeless rule breaker remember ;) , searching for roses, going to QT for prizes, etc .....WE WERE LIVING LIFE TOGETHER.  

The only agenda, was to be together.  Ahhhh.  

That is the freedom I'm talking about.  

How often do we miss life b/c we have things scheduled to the minute.  If the Holy Spirit's job is to guide us (which I believe it is), how hard do we make it to do that?  I really 'get' that there has to be some sort of organization but really, do we always have to have every i dotted and t crossed?  I'm finding the really amazing stuff happens when we don't.

I learned that one kid is being asked to sell drugs to pay the bills at home, one girl showed me every blasted cheer she knew, another boy 8 years old-felt safe enough to start talking for the first time in a group, and the one who thought the Rose Garden was beyond stupid- couldn't wait to find out when we were coming to get him again!   

When I look back at most of what I used to do,  I see that just about everything had an agenda.  First- greeting, second- ice breaker, third - worship, fourth- lesson, fifth - invitation, sixth - a hurried dismissal.  Where in that plan could any of the things I just described have taken place?

Do I have things figured out?  Nope.  

But I'm enjoying breathing again.  

Lot's less pressure now that I'm learning how to live loved and love in return.

Night!