Entry #2

To say I was thrown into a situation completely unprepared would be a massive understatement.  Just one week earlier, I had been asked to consider taking on a Wednesday night class of community kids that no one seemed to know what to do with.  I had heard they were 'unruly, disrespectful, and not able to keep up with what the other kids were learning'.  Oh sure!  I know just what to do and am completely qualified!  HA HA HA!  

The ONLY thing I had going for me was that I knew He had orchestrated my being here.  

Try to imagine this.  The 'church' kids are all gathered and politely socializing with one another while they are waiting for class to begin.  I'm kind of walking around, saying 'hey' to kids, and waiting for 'my crew' to arrive on the vans.  All kinds of thoughts are running through my head.  

Honestly, one of my main concerns was this...When the time came, how in the world was I going to get these 'community' kids to come with me to another classroom without causing them to feel 'excluded' or that they had done something wrong?  I had tried unsuccessfully to practice what my line would be, "Ok, all of you guys (wide gesture) come with me!"  or maybe "If you rode the van here, I want you to follow me."  Oh heck, this is 2007 for crying out loud, WHY are these kids being seperated?  I had NO comforting answers, only an assignment that was thankfully from Above.

WHAM.  They arrived.  There was no way to miss their arrival.  The atmosphere suddenly changed.  Wow, was there a new noise level.  The 'church' kids began to shrink back a bit as the community kids poured in putting on their best 'intimidate anyone and everyone' faces.  

One of the leaders shouted out, "Ok guys, come to the seats.  It's time for praise and worship!"  In some sort of controlled chaos we all ended up in at least that general vicinity.  The community kids had no clue who I was, why I was sitting with them and honestly could have cared less.  I was just one more adult that was going to try to control their behavior.

The music starts and all the 'church' kids stood up to worship.  As I stood there completely numb, I can still remember the numerous happenings that took place over the next 15 torturous minutes.

One of the kids kicked his feet up on the chair in front of him, signaling he was NOT going to be a part of 'worship', whatever that was!  Three girls began going through and loudly discussing the contents of one of their purses.  One poor girl just stood there scared to death, she knew she should stand but to cooperate would signal to her friends that she was a sell-out.  

I could feel the eyes of all the leaders looking at me like, "Whatcha gonna do?"  Just before I panicked, the most hillarious thing happened.  One of the community kids farted SO loud.  Well, that was all his friends needed to crank the noise level up a few more notches.  Heck, I couldn't decide if I should join them laughing, scold them like the leaders were waiting for me to do, or start bawling and run out of the room!

Knowing that none of those were wise choices, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I closed my eyes and began worshipping the Lord (if you can call it worship?!) from the most center place of my being I could find.  "Oh God, HELP ME!  You brought me here, now speak!  Tell me what in the heck I do!"  I'm certain my rambling pleas for mercy were much faster than that but suddenly a calm came over me.  I remember that as the peace began to wash over me, I heard in my heart the Lord ask me one 'simple' question.  

Can you love them?  

"Of course Lord!  But SHOW me what to do now!"

Julie.  Can you love them?

"I said YES, but what do I say when this music stops and I'm supposed to somehow get them to follow me!?"

Oh little one.  Can you love them?

Suddenly, a deep understanding came over me.  One that has sustained me through many trying times on this journey to where I am now.

"Love them.  What does that look like Lord?  How do I really do that?"

I had an almost immediate understanding that this would not be accomplished in a HUGE sense tonight.  It would simply be the beginning.  

Many things were going to be required for me to do this...

I could not look at them as a 'project' or 'ministry'.  I was to love them.

I could not expect them to trust me.  I was to love them.

I could not demand respect of them.  I was to love them.

Every adult was going to question my ability.   I was to love them.

Suddenly, I realized....none of these will ever be 'checkmarked'.  

To love them would be a journey...not a destination.

So the music wrapped.  Everyone BUT me was relieved and I sheepishly said, "Hey, let's go hang out down here and talk"  As I literally just tapped a few of their shoulders and hoped and prayed the others would follow.  Thankfully, they did.

God's sense of humor strikes again....

Just as we were leaving the room one of the 'church' kids shouted, "Can I come too?"

I wasn't expecting this at all.  But it struck me as hillarious.  "Of COURSE you can come, let's go!"

He didn't need me to 'know how', to 'plan', or to be 'qualified'.  

Simply to obey.

Good reminder for me today. :)

Bless u.